there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
