Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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