There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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