strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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