So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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