the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
