she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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