Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
