I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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