I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
