there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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