its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
