she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
