do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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