I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
