I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
