He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
