Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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