omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
