You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
