Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
