and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
