I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
