She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
