I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
