I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
