dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
