I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
