dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
