I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
