Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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