im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They took my balls.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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