you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
