Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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