ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
