We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
