i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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