The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
