Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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