I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
