the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
