I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
