I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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