i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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