Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
