i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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