end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
