Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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