have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
