Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
