Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The beers last night were like the tears from god
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
